Full circle……

I have not posted anything in a while and I apologize.  Things have become incredibly busy in my world in the past 1-2 months.

Back in Dec. ’16, I started a spiritual journey and asked God to reveal a lot of things to me and to show me what I needed to do to  finally get the answer to a prayer that I have been praying for many years now.

I still don’t have the answer to my prayer but I believe without a doubt that it will be coming soon.

A few weeks ago, I went to church and we had a guest Pastor. His message was very powerful and I felt like he was talking directly to me.

He preached about how we get inpatient and lose faith between the time of asking God for something and waiting for Him to answer.

Very often our time table and God’s timetable don’t always align. God will also not give us something that we are not ready for or something that we will screw up once we get it.

This was powerful to me because it just validated everything I felt when I started my journey–that there were things that I needed to accomplish and learn before I could have my prayer granted.

Since the start of my journey, I have grown by leaps and bounds and have made huge changes in my life. I have walked away from a lot of people, places and things that were dragging me down and holding me back, amongst many other things.

On Jan 1, 17, when other people were making superficial New Year resolutions, I decided to cross something off my bucket list-learn photography. It was something that I always wanted to do. So on New Years day, I ordered my first “real camera” and signed up for a 6 week class at a local college.

In Feb, I was elected as a Board Member to my state’s American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Chapter.

A couple of months, ago, I decided to learn more about photography so I became a student at the New York Institute of Photography and I’m currently studying through them.

At my daughter’s urging, I created a FB page exclusively for my photography to showcase my work to a larger audience, a couple of months ago. I have people that I don’t know emailing me and making complimentary comments on my shots and my “talent”

I have also  been selling numerous prints, have been asked to set up a booth at a community art event and someone has even spoke to me about me being an “artist of a month” in a local gallery. My CPA friend suggested that I get a Tax ID number, which I now have–I don’t know what the hell to do with it, but I have it.

To say that I have been blown away by all of this would be a huge understatement.

It has been all so crazy and unexpected but yet, at the same time, I am the most content that I ever remember being in my adult life.

None of the above that I described would have happened if I would ve had my pray answered when I wanted too because I would ve been so caught up in that I would have neglected myself.

See how God works?

A long time before I was a nurse, I was actually a “starving artist”. For years, I played the clarinet, wrote poetry, lyrics, shorts stories etc. I also wanted to learn the artistic side of photography back then as well. However, people always thought I was a bit strange and just didn’t “‘get me”. I suppressed a lot of myself because I just didn’t fit in very much.

So I became a nurse, when push came to shove when I found out that I was pregnant.  At that time I was a “professional college student”.

I was forced to “grow up” so to speak and had to get myself grounded so I could be financially stable to raise my child.

For years, I buried the artistic side of myself and forgot that it was even there.

Once my daughter started getting older and went away to her residential high school, the artistic side has gradually been coming back-obviously.

Now, I feel like I am finally the person that I should ve been all along. There is a lot of freedom and self peace that comes along with that.

Since studying photography, I have been traveling throughout my state and even went on a cruise to Cozumel recently.  In doing all of this, I have spent a lot of time alone doing a lot of soul searching. This would not have happened if I wouldn’t have picked up a camera..and I wouldn’t have a camera if I would not have asked God to show me what I needed to do.

Again, full circle.

I “get” everything now. Before I can get my answer, I have to first find out who I am and be content with myself.

At any time now, I know that my answer will be coming because I feel like I am where God wants me to be–happy, content with a full understanding of myself.

For all of you reading, if I have any message to carry it’s this. Don’t ever be afraid of who you are, even though people may not understand you. You may stand alone but at least you will be content and true to yourself. Also, don’t ever be afraid to start something new, no matter your age. I will be 46 in a couple of weeks and have just started a new career/business. It is NEVER too late to live your dream.

Thanks for reading…

Peace & love

~Tiff

deadsnflDR_edit.tiff copy.tifmk

 

 

 

 

Does he even know… 

Does he even know…

That she thinks about him every day…

That she has been waiting, waiting… waiting…

….for a fair chance

 

Does he even know…

That he has been her prayer request since the the first day she laid eyes upon him…..

..many years ago…

that she compares every man she meets to him…and thus…

….they never get a chance

 

Does he even know..

That she becomes anxious, speachless and paralyzed with fear when he does to talk her…

And spends days after beating herself up for  things  she has mumbled out of nervousness…

 

Does he even know…

The lengths she has gone to get his attention…

And to keep it

 

Does he even know…

That she plays cool and distant…

So she doesn’t look vulnerable and desperate…

 

Does he even know…

That she cried when she found out he was with another…

Even though she smiled and wished him well…

Paying It Forward…

About 5 years ago, I was working as a staff nurse at a dialysis clinic. The hours were very rough. I had to wake up about 3 AM every morning to travel over 30 miles to be at the clinic for 4 30-5 AM.

My daughter stayed overnight at my parents house and they would bring her to school for me this next day. This helped so that I wouldn’t have to wake her up so early in the morning.

Eventually, life became very difficult and overwhelming because I worked a lot. I d wake up at 3 , be at work before 5 and work until 6-7 PM and have to travel the distance back home…and then do it all over again the next morning.

My daughter was spending more time at my moms then at home.

To make matters worse, I was barely making it paycheck to paycheck.

The car I had at the time had over 200 thou miles on it and desperately needed a new one.  In addition, the carpet in my house was so bad that I was too embarrassed to have people over to visit.

I ended up in a very despondent place and had become incrediably cynical and did not have any hope and faith in people, God and/or life anymore.

One day, on my lunch break, I went to the drive through of a coffee place close to the clinic.  Ahead of me, in line, was an older truck plastered in religious bumper stickers.

When it was my turn at the window, the server informed me that the lady in the truck paid for my coffee and sent me a message to have a “blessed year”.

Words just can not simply describe the feeling that small act of kindness gave me.

It touched me in a way that gave me hope and faith again. It was also the first time in years that I cried over something beautiful instead of something heartbreaking.

On occasion,  I have secretly wondered if that lady was actually an angel in disguise.

A couple of days after that, I was offered a job as a hospice nurse closer to my home with a significant salary increase. Between the new pay and the extra income from being on call, I was able to purchase a brand new car and went on to change the floors in my house, buy new furniture and do various other remodeling projects.

In addition, I gradually moved my way up to D.O.N which provided an even larger salary.

From there, I accepted another D.O.N. position of another agency.

This management experience gave me what I needed to be able to move on into the even better position that I am in now-a Senior nurse in a Fortune 500 Company that comes along with amazing benefits, an even better salary and what’s considered to be “posh” schedule in the medical world.

That small act of kindness at the drive through is what triggered it all.

All of this time, I never forget about that blessing that was given to me. I always knew that I needed to pay it forward but my intuition told me that I needed to wait for that “perfect time”.

Almost 5 years later, that “time” came.

On Sat, I was running around town and for some odd reason, I kept thinking about that incident and I just knew that I needed to do it that day.

I went to the drive thru of the coffee shop that my instincts told me to go to. At first, I was doubting myself  though because there was no car behind me.

Once I recieved my coffee from the worker, a car drove up behind me all of a sudden-and I knew that was the one.

So, I gave my credit card back to the employee and told her I wanted to pay for the lady behind me without even asking how much her order was.

I sincerely hope that I was able to pass on all the blessings that was so graciously given to me.

Never underestimate the power of a very small acts of kindness!

Thanks for reading!

Peace and love,

~Tiff

#payitforward  #randomactsofkindness

 

 

 

Talk Saves Lives

Talk Saves Lives, by the AFSP, is an introductory presentation on suicide awareness/prevention. Participants learn risks and warning signs and how they can become more involved in prevention.

It’s a great starter class for the more in depth programs that the AFSP offers.

Please asfp.org to find out how to  contact your local chapter to have a class scheduled in your area.

The following is a brief promo video:

 

 

#bethevoice #stopsuicide #suicideawareness/prevention