This is another repost from my previous blog. I published it one year ago today. I was reminded of it today and felt compelled to repost. Please note that my friend Paul is no longer available though 🙂
Before I begin, I need to do something very, VERY important. Today is my friend, Paul Foster’s birthday! I wished him a happy birthday on Facebook this morning and he replied back asking me to mention him in my blog- so he can be famous one day.( I love how much my friends believe in me) Paul, here you go…no better time then on your birthday 🙂 Oh and btw ladies–he’s, cute with dimples, successful, sweet and has a shiny red Harley that is LOUD and FAST….ANNNNND he’s single 😉
Now that my PSA is out the way, I can continue on…..
I get asked all the time as to why I am still single because I”m “so this, so that” etc etc. Why do people feel the need to ask single people this? If I asked someone why they are still married, they would think that I was being rude. However, it seems to be perfectly acceptable to ask single people why they are still single. Oh and after getting asked that question, I then begin getting pelted with unsolicited dating advise, of which is always the same things that I hear from everyone else-over and over and over and over again. After 14 years of being single, there is nothing that I haven’t heard already! Unless I specifically ask for it, I’d rather not get it because I’ve HEARD IT ALL!
What I- and every other single person- hates hearing is “you are too picky”. Seriously? Do people not understand what they are saying is that I need to settle and I don’t deserve to have what I want? I always respond back with “oh, so you enjoy having sex with someone you’re not attracted to and/or don’t click with it?” That usually shuts them up 🙂
In any case, the reason why I’ve been single so long is simple. It’s mostly my choice. I’ve already shared with ya’ll my past choices in the men that I dated and as to why I picked them. For those here who may not have read my other posts, I’m a “recovering emotionally unavailable commitment phobic” so up until this past year, every man I dated was just like me.
I use the dating sites because I rarely meet anyone the traditional way because I don’t “run bars” etc. Most of my friends are married or coupled up and I have a very difficult time to find someone to go out and do things with me. I do a lot of stuff alone and perfectly fine with that but I never seem to meet anyone when I’m out by myself. In addition, I”m a bit of a workaholic and I voluntarily put in a lot of overtime because I’m very passionate about my career and my future with my company. Most of the time, I just don’t have a lot of free time on my hands for socialization.
In any case, I get anywhere between 5-15 messages a day on the dating sites. I’m almost always not interested in the men that send them. There’s not many men around my area that I”m attracted too. The majority of the men are the oilfield /country/cowboy types. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just not what I like and/or click well with. I’m not going to waste my time with someone that I know that I will not ultimately want a long term relationship with. In addition, I ve had several men with rather large incomes express interest in me but it just wasn’t “there for me”. A lot of my friends think that I’m crazy from walking away from the rich ones but I’m not going to use someone for their money. They deserve to have someone that loves them for who they are-and not their bank account.
This past year, I only had 3 men that I met that I actually was interested in. One was in the medical field. At first, I wasn’t so sure about him but I gave him a shot anyway. When you are in this profession, the only other people that “get” what it’s like are those that are also in it. We all speak the same language so to speak. I ended up calling it off because he had a horrible attitude. I can not deal with people that have negative attitudes.The second and the third guys were the ones that I already talked about it my my post “Class is a lost art form” so I”m not going to speak about it again here. There were also a couple of more that I did email but they never answered me 😦
I used to think that there was something seriously wrong with me and that I was “too this or too that” or that I wasn’t good enough for them and would really get down on myself. However,after all the soul searching I’ve been doing lately, I now know that the problem is them, not me. They just weren’t blessed with the ability to have what it takes to deal with all my “awesomeness” and it’s not their fault –bless their little hearts! 🙂
What kind of men do I like? Intelligent, successful, creative ones that keep themselves up, but YET still have an edge to them. There’s nothing more hotter then a guy that goes to work and plays professional but comes home and changes into something that shows his hidden tatt’s. I like the bad boys that turned good–the ones that have “been there done that” and now are ready for some “realness”. Also, a guy that cooks is sexy as hell. I could actually go on and on about what I like but won’t. If you seriously find it interesting enough to know more, you can refer to to my post “What I don’t want”
Sometimes ,the way men choose women is a little perplexing to me. I am not perfect by any means but I have a hell of a lot to offer. I have a stable career, am college educated, make more then the average woman in my area, work for a Fortune 500 company and own my own home. I’ve only been married once and I know 100% ,without a doubt, that my ex is the father to my only child. My ex and I get along fine. We never went to court for anything, used the same divorce attorney and settled everything ourselves. There is absolutely no type of drama, negativity etc between us, his girlfriend or his family. As a matter of fact, we all get along great and I can always count on his family and/or GF to help me with my daughter when I need. My daughter is awesome, amazing. talented and is at a selective admissions high school for gifted/high achieving students. The school is rated as a top 20 school in the nation.
With all that being said, I’m always passed over for women that have accomplished less, haven’t gotten as far as I have and/or have ex husband/boyfriend and/or “baby daddy” issues or have several “baby daddies” and/or don’t even know “baby daddy”. In short, these are girls that they don’t have to work so hard for.
I know my value and I will not settle for anything less then what I want or deserve. I’m very much worth working for. I really don’t think that my expectations of how I want to be treated are unrealistic. I only want respect,consideration and to have my worth recognized. I do not tolerate bullshit, negativity, drama etc. and will graciously walk away from it without looking back. I will also graciously walk away if I don’t feel like I’m wanted around anymore.
In my post “Damned if I do and damned if I don’t”, I talk about all the insulting emails I get back from men when I politely turn them down. That is still continuing and have actually been getting a lot of very hurtful ones. One of my friends reminded me that “hurt people like to hurt people”. She was so right. Now, instead of taking it personal, I have compassion for them and pray for them.
Continuing on, it also seems that there’s not a lot of men that really understand women like me , which adds to the mix. A few days ago, I got a message from someone that told me that I didn’t need a man, I needed a therapist instead. I thought that was hilarious. See, we ALL have flaws, have f ed up, made bad choices etc. The people, like me, that can accept 100% responsibility for their f ups and can recognize, admit and actively work to change for the better aren’t the ones that need therapy and/or crazy. It’s the people that DON”T, CAN’T or even outright deny that they have problems and/or can’t accept their mistakes that are the crazy ones and/or need therapy. I’m very emotionally healthy and content. 😉
So, there you go. I believe I’ve answered the question and then some. Married/coupled people please be mindful of what you tell your single friends. We all know that it comes from the right place but on some days, you can be sending a lot of unintentional messages and implications. Also, please do not offer any dating advise unless it’s requested. I would never randomly give a married person unsolicited marriage advice, largely because it’s not my business 😉
Thanks for reading!
Peace & Love,