My Wait…


About a month or so ago, I had my routine yearly mammogram done. No big deal…or so I thought.

A couple of weeks later, I got a letter stating that there was “distortion” and multiple abnormalities and follow up tests were needed. As a nurse, I know not to freak out too much over these things so I really didn’t think it was that big of a deal.

So I went in to be “rolled and compressed”. After this was done, I was placed in a waiting room with another lady who was going through the same thing. The MD read the other ladies test results and came back and told her she was free to go but I was not. She felt that “it was all ok” but best that an ultrasound be done anyway.

An ultrasound was done. A couple of days later, I get a call from my MD office stating that I have 3 areas that they are pretty sure are benign, however the borders are “irregular”. They then gave me a choice to see a surgeon or follow up again with follow up tests in 6 months. I’m hospice nurse so I know better than to wait.

I called my oncologist nurse friend who spoke to the Dr’s she works for. They told me that not seeing a surgeon is NOT an option due to the “irregular borders” and I never should’ve have been given that choice. Then, they recommended a cancer surgeon for me to see.

My appt with the surgeon isn’t until Dec 6th, largely due to the Thanksgiving holiday this week. So I have to wait until then to find out if I have breast cancer or not.

The first few days after finding all this out, my head was in a tailspin and it was like I was walking around in a fog. I was not able to keep my thoughts together. Facing your mortality makes you think of a lot of things that you ordinarily don’t think of on an every day basis.

After a couple of days of being “bat shit crazy”, I told myself that I have to get it together. I started praying and I somehow managed to start “coming around” and get some peace of mind.

Overall, the chances of this being benign is greater than the chances of it being cancerous. However, there is still a small chance.

This is a very weird place for me to be in. I want to be optimistic but at the same time, I do not want to be oblivious to the fact that it may be cancer.

After a week now, I have finally reached the point of “it is what it is”. I’m sure that it is not cancer but if it is, I’m ready to have to deal with it.

Hoping for the best and preparing for the worst…..

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers…

 UPDATE 12/6/16. I saw the cancer surgeon and my masses are collects of cysts and not tumors-no cancer! 

#breastcancer sucks  #breastcancerscare

 

 

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