Gut wrenchng honesty…


So…gut wrenching honesty…

I m referring  to the raw emotions that is beneath the surface level. 

The truth behind the driving force of actions and words

The real feelings and emotions that are there. 

That is what I m made of and its my driving force. That is what I refer to when I speak about honesty. Dont give me surface level politically correct bs. Give me the real truth-before it s revealed in actions. 

I dont know any other to think or be.

If any of you have read my writings and/or poetry you already know this about me.

I write from the depths of my soul and speak truth as I know and feel it to be. 

My heart is always clearly displayed on my sleeve. 

See, I grew up in a very dysfunctional family that always ignored the white elephants in the room.

I absolutely refuse to live my life the way that I grew up.

I always want the real truth. 

People are always taken back when they find this out about me because in person, I m actually very soft spoken.

As I ve gotten older, I ve learned to soften my edges and be more cautious. Not everyone can appreciate this trait about me.  

It scares and intimates people. Some men have even called me ” crazy” because of it. 

Sometimes I hold myself back because I dont want people to run. I m always scared of losing the people I like or care about the most. When I do hold back, I always seem to lose out in the end though. 

I dont want people, especially men, to be scared. I want them to appreciate it and to be able to look past the raw and see my big heart and can listen to me and give me a chance. 

One day I hope to find a man that can absorb this about me and be comfortable with being brought under surface level. I want to feel safe speaking my honest feelings without fear of rejection. 

I want someone to look beneath my personal surface level and see me for and as “real”. Maybe then, I ll be taken more seriously. 

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